Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. Marine, gathered these rules together from around the Web, updated them a bit and sent them to me. Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you.

Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule #6 If you plan on dating other girls besides my daughter make sure that you have told her and that she is okay with this.

If she is not okay with this and you make her upset, I will have to find several new methods to make you upset as well.

The same goes for your wandering eyes, if they go anywhere below eye level I will ask you to leave the premises as soon as possible, if you do not comply I will take action that I feel is necessary (i.e. Rule #3 I am aware that the so-called latest fashion trends mean that you wear your jeans several sizes too big so that your underwear shows or that you wear jeans known as "girl pants" for boys that are so tight they contour every area of your lower extremities and also expose your underwear.

Please don't be embarrassed but you look ridiculous and so do your friends.

I realize that you are just following the latest trends because you aren’t original in your choices so let’s come to a negotiation: You may come to the door with your under clothes showing and your pants too big or too small, and I will not comment.

However, to make certain that your clothes do not accidentally slide off or spontaneously explode off your body due to being too tight, I will take my staple gun and fasten your jeans snugly in place to your waist.

I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight.